Every Frickin' Joke
Timing Is Everything
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2169
A cop was patrolling the local lover's lane when he drove by a car with a couple inside and the dome light on. It appeared that the young man in the driver’s seat was reading a computer magazine and the young lady was in the back seat knitting. Stopping to investigate the cop knocked on driver’s window. The young man rolled the window down and said, "Yes officer?"
"What are you doing?" the cop asks. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I’m reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like?, She's knitting."
"How old are you?" the officer asked the young man. "I’m nineteen." he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she’ll be eighteen."
At Least Take A Lunch Break
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 1782
A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. "Would you maybe like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee?" He declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "It’s really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "it’s really taken the edge off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She tells hum "I’ll go to the store and buy you whatever you want. Maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe a pizza or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?" And once again he declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "it’s really taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I’m fuckin' starving."
Ask And You Shall Receive
- Category: Dick Jokes
- Hits: 2032
Every day a homeless drunk watches a guy stop and whisper to every chick that walks by. Sometimes the girl walks away a little confused. Sometimes the girl smiles, grabs the guy by the arm and they walk off to the motel across the street.
One day the homeless guy walks over and asks: "Hey buddy, what are you sayin' to those girls to get all that action?" The guy tells him: "I take the simple, direct approach. I first whisper 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' If the girl smiles and says sure, I know I've scored. But if she's offended I quickly repeat 'Particularly nasty weather' like she didn't hear me right and then just move on. Works every time!"
The drunk thinks what a great idea and decides to try it himself. Waiting on the corner he stumbles over to the first girl that walks by and shouts at her: "Shove a feather up your ass?" The girl looks totally shocked. So heeding his lesson he quickly covers by saying: "It's fucking raining."
By Reputation
- Category: Just Plain Funny
- Hits: 2204
The teacher was explaining to her pupils the importance of responsibility and was looking to assign a team to do an important job for the class. She told them: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Little Johnny jumped up and shouted: "I'm the one you want teach'. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
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