How Long Has That Condom Been In Your Wallet?

What do a wife & a condom have in common?

They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.

I love dating manicurists and hair stylists.

One does hand jobs, the other does blow jobs!

My wife's losing weight now thanks to a weight loss club. She goes near the fridge, I hit her with the club.

A nurse walks in and says, "Doc, what are you doing?"

He says, "I'm writing a prescription."

She says, "But you're holding your thermometer."

He says, "Jesus Christ, some asshole has my pen."