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How Long Has That Condom Been In Your Wallet?

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What do a wife & a condom have in common?

They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.

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A Tough Decision

Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest & a pilot are in a plane that's about to crash.

The pilot says: "Well, we only have three parachutes, let's give them to the three Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them."

The lawyer says: "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"

The priest says: "Do we have time?"

A Married Couple's Point of View

A married couple has sex and it's a real quickie.

The wife cries because it's over.

And the husband smiles because it happened.

Where Else?

Two old folks were flirting at a senior's singles mingle. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a romantic night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

The old woman replied shyly, "Depends... ."

"Depends on what?" he asked. "On my ass -- where else?!"