Can You Give A Date To This?

How do you confuse a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."

She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."

St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"

A guy at the bar orders two drinks. He downs one, then pours the other on his left hand.

The bartender asks: "Hey mister... what're you doin'?" "

"Getting my date drunk."