How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
He's smoking a cigarette.
A wife tells her husband: "I have good news & bad news." The husband says: "Just give me the good news."
The wife: "The paperboy isn't sterile."
I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.
My wife wanted to go on a pleasure trip.
I told her: "Great, let's take your mother to the airport."
And that's when the fight started...
