How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
He's smoking a cigarette.
Old Dick is no dope. Here's a piece of advice you should always follow: Whenever you have a one night stand, always use protection -- a fake name and a fake number.
What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?
A fuckin know-it-all!
Baby seal walks into a bar.
Bartender says "What'll it be?"
Baby seal says "Anything but a Canadian Club."
