How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
He's smoking a cigarette.
Who's the world's greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Why can't lesbians adopt a child?
Because they don't serve minors to lickers.
A guy was complaining to his buddy that his new girlfriend was really kinky. His friend asked him: "How so?"
"Well" came the answer, "All she wants me to do is screw her in the ear." "In the ear? Wow. That is weird," his buddy remarked.
"Yeah," the guy continued. "Every time I go to stick my dick in her mouth, she turns her head."
