What's the difference between pussy & pot?
If you can smell pot from across the room it's the good stuff.
What's a sure-fire way to give a woman an orgasm?
Who cares?
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"
And that's when the fight started...
Jerk off with hand sanitizer... do you still wash your hands when you're done? (Just askin' for a friend)