What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. He gets out and goes to look for help. Soon he comes upon a farm. Not believing his luck, he knocks on the door, and a farmer answers.
"Sir," says the salesman. "Could you help me? My car's broken down, and I need a place to stay for the night."
"Sure," says the farmer. "But I only have one bed, and my very, very ugly daughter sleeps there."
"Oh, crap," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong fucking joke."
Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
Last Christmas grandpa surprised eveyone and made snow angels.
He skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.