Out For A Drive

"Was your car ride with Grandma fun?"

"No Grampa. We didn't see any assholes, dumb bastards or shitheads."

What is the flattest surface you can iron your jeans on?

A white chick's ass.

I asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery. She told me she'd take half and leave me.

So I told her: "Great! I won 10 bucks on a scratch-off this morning. Here's your five, now get the fuck out."

And that's when the fight started...

How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.