Out For A Drive

"Was your car ride with Grandma fun?"

"No Grampa. We didn't see any assholes, dumb bastards or shitheads."

Husband asks: "Should I watch porn or hockey?"

Wife: "Watch porn. You already know how to play hockey."

And that's when the fight started...

Jerk off with hand sanitizer... do you still wash your hands when you're done? (Just askin' for a friend)

Why are roach clips called roach clips?

Because "pot holder" was already taken.