What's the difference between the lesbians in porn films and a lesbian in real life?
About 65 pounds.
Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
A drunk's walking along and smacks right into a tree. He backs up a few steps and then walks into the tree again. And then he does it again!
Finally he mumbles to himself, "This is great. I was supposed to be home hours ago, and here I am, lost in the fuckin' forest."
How is a Jewish woman like a Thanksgiving turkey?
Her husband only gets to stuff her once a year.
