What's the difference between the lesbians in porn films and a lesbian in real life?
About 65 pounds.
Three guys are sitting in a bar bitching about how stupid their wives are.
The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and we don't even have a garage."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to her iPod and she doesn't have any earphones for it."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a dick."
What do you have with two balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
Girl texts: "If you're sleeping, send your dreams ... if you're laughing, send your smile."
Boyfriend texts back: "Taking a shit... Please advise."
