What's the difference between the lesbians in porn films and a lesbian in real life?
About 65 pounds.
What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste. Ewww...
What's worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car when you're parked outside an abortion clinic?
Going in to ask if you can borrow a coat hanger.
What's the difference between love, true love, and just showing off?
Spit, swallow, and gargle