A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Little Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Litle Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Little Johnny tells her, "Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, the answer is two, but I like how you're thinking."
So Little Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Little Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
Johnson is out golfing and gets a hole-in-one on the very first hole. Then, he gets another hole-in-one on the second hole. Suddenly his cell phone rings. When he answers a voice says, "This is Memorial Hospital. Your wife has been in a terrible car accident. You need to come at once." Johnson figures, "Let me play one more hole ..."
Well, the next hole he gets an eagle. Now he's all excited, so keeps playing. Turns out he has his best round ever... breaks the club record. Everybody's congratulating him at the clubhouse when... oops... he suddenly remembers about his wife. So he races to the parking lot, jumps in his car and speeds off to the hospital. When he gets there he runs down the hallway where a doctor grabs him by the arm and says, "You piece of shit. You played golf while we worked on your poor wife? Well, she's a vegetable now... and it looks like you're going to have to feed her and change her diapers for the rest of your life. Your golf days are over buddy."
Johnson breaks down crying and says, "My God, Doc. I feel like such a lowdown scumbag. What the hell's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Hey. I was only fucking with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
