How do Cinderella and Pinnochio make love?
She sits on his face and he tells lies.
Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."
Wife: "My husband said that?"
"No, all the landscapers."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
A priest gets a flat tire fixed.
As the car's coming down on the lift, the priest says to the mechanic, "Are the lug nuts tight?"
The mechanic says, "Tight as a nun's cunt."
The priest says, "You better give them another turn."