In The Confessional

"Forgive me, Father, I was fucking my wife and fantasized she was a nun."

"My son, sometimes when I fuck a nun I fantasize it's your wife."

A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What about a deer with no eyes & no legs?

Still no idea.

And a deer with no eyes, no legs & no dick?

Still no fuckin' idea.

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and your lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.