Stir Fry And Panties

How's a frying pan hanging on the wall like a woman's panties?

You have to get them down before you can put the meat in.

I have a a real problem with sex and booze...

Every time I have sex, my girlfriend boos.

I asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery. She told me she'd take half and leave me.

So I told her: "Great! I won 10 bucks on a scratch-off this morning. Here's your five, now get the fuck out."

And that's when the fight started...

Two gay guys live together. The first guy says, "Let's play hide and seek. I'll hide, and if you can find me, I'll blow you."

The second guy asks, "What if I can't find you?"

His roomy tells him, "I'll be behind the piano."