What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
What do you get when you sleep with a judge?
An honorable discharge.
A lawyer asks his partner, "Are you fucking the new secretary?"
The partner tells him, "No."
So the first lawyer says, "Great! Then you fire her."
Why'd my wife cross the road?To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.
