What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
A girl walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Give me a double entendre."
So he gave it to her.
