Staying Hard

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He changed his mind. Decided to stick it out for one more year!

Valentines Day is going to be great! I'm guaranteed to fuck my wife up the ass tonight.

She's dyslexic and thinks it's Vaseline Day.

What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

About three inches.

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.