What would you call a guy who jerks off during an earthquake?
Focused.
A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns.
The guy says, "Fuck...it works."
When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."
When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"
And that's when the fight started...
I asked my wife to give me a blow job. She said "Can't you be more romantic?"
So I told her "Sure, give me a blow job... in the rain."
