What would you call a guy who jerks off during an earthquake?
Focused.
A stockbroker calls a client and says, "Sam, I have good news and bad news."
Sam says, "Tell me the bad news first."
The stockbroker says, "I lost all of your money."
Sam says, "What's the good news?"
The stockbroker says, "I got laid last night."
Definition of love: Your heart melts and comes squirting out the end of your dick.
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.
