What do you get when you cross a hooker with a piranha?
Your last blow job.
My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
What's worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car when you're parked outside an abortion clinic?
Going in to ask if you can borrow a coat hanger.
Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."
Mom: "Did someone harass you?"
"Finally!"
