Been A Long Time

I was thinking about when my girlfriend & I first met. I realized I've been going out with her for...

sex.

Why were there only two pallbearers at the homeless guy's funeral?

There are only two handles on a garbage can.

What's the difference between pussy & pot?

If you can smell pot from across the room it's the good stuff.

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...