I was thinking about when my girlfriend & I first met. I realized I've been going out with her for...
sex.
If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove.
Your lawyer will thank you.
I told my wife: "Honey, I don't like how you look with the new glasses on." She said: "Sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
I said: "Yeah, but I do."
And that's when the fight started...
The bell rings at a whorehouse.
The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"
He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"