How are nail polish and panties the same?
They both come off with a little alcohol.
So I went to the doctor for a physical and he told me I should stop jerking off. I asked him why should I stop?
He told me: "Because you're at a physical."
What do a wife & a condom have in common?
They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.
How can you tell when your girlfriend's getting really fat?
You start asking your wife for sex.