Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
An inventor walks into the Patent Office office and says to the girl behind the desk, "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle."
The clerk asks. "What do you call it?" He tells her, "I call it a fottle." She says, "That's kind of silly, but OK we can set you up."
He says, "Thanks, I'll work on the name. Hey, I also have a folding carton too."
She says, "Really? And what do you call that?" He says, "A farton."
She says in disgust, "That's totally offensive. You can't use that name."
He says, "Uh-oh! I guess I'll have to scratch the one I was going to use for my folding bucket."
You know old Dick tries to stay pretty busy. Last week I did a benefit for the "Tempura House"... that's a shelter for lightly battered women.
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
