An old couple goes to the doctor. The man says, "We want to know if we're makin' love properly. Will you watch us?"
The doctor says, "Go ahead." So they go to it.
The doctor says, "Looks good to me... That'll be forty dollars."
They go back six weeks in a row and do the same thing each time.
On the seventh week the doctor says, "Why do you keep coming back? I told you, you're making love perfectly."
The old guy says, "Well, she can't come to my house, and I can't go to her's...a motel is fifty bucks...you only charge us forty and we get back thirty-five back from Medicare."
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, they headed to her house for an afternoon of fun. Exhausted after screwin' around, they fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8pm.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told his mistress to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. Mystified, she did as he said and when she came back in he slipped them on and raced home.
At the front door his wife confronted him. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "Darling," he replied, "I cannot tell a lie. I've been having an affair with my secretary. We fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife looked down at his shoes and shouted, "Liar! You've been playing golf!"
One day at lunch her friend remarked: "So... your husband drowned and left you two million dollars. Wow! Two million dollars, and he couldn't even read or write."
"Yeah" the widow replied, "And he couldn't swim either."
