Women are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.
Here's a math question. If you get into bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
Answer: 8 hours, 57 minutes - who cares what she wants!
A guy visits a psychiatrist and lies on the couch. The doc asks: "What's your problem?"
The guy tells him, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat fuck?"
After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs.
If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me.
