Women are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.
My wife was at the sink grousing about the dishes again. She asked me: "How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?"
I told her: "Both of them."
And that's when the fight started...
What does a virgin and a balloon have in common?
One prick and it's all over.
What would you call a guy who jerks off during an earthquake?
Focused.
