I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.
One day the boss calls in the vice-president. "We're downsizing. We have to lay off either Jack or Barbara."
The VP tells him, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I'm not sure what to do."
The next morning the VP is waiting and Barbara is the first to arrive. He tells her, "Barbara, I've got a problem. I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"
Barbara quickly responds, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."