Reason To Stay Single

The laundromat: a bad place to find chicks.

If she can't afford a washing machine how can she support you?

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?

The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.

Guy goes to his boss and asks for a day off, proudly saying: "My wife's gonna have a baby!" The boss tells him of course you can take the day off.

Two days later the guy shows up for work and the boss asks him: "So... was it a boy or a girl."

The guy replies: "How do I know... it takes nine months!"