Reason To Stay Single

The laundromat: a bad place to find chicks.

If she can't afford a washing machine how can she support you?

What happened to the depressed dyslexic?

He threw himself behind the bus.

What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?

A gang bang.

I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."