Why'd the trapeze artist divorce his wife?
He caught her in the act.
The Dog's Rule Of Life: If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it.
What is the flattest surface you can iron your jeans on?
A white chick's ass.
Gal to salesman: "Should I buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker?"
"Depends. You gonna sweat or break wind?"
