Too Soon

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

What do Dracula's girlfriend and a washed up boxer have in common?

They both go down for the count!

Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.

Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.