What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captain's log.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
Guy walks into a bar with a big bruise in the middle of his forehead. The bartender asks: "What happened?"
The guy tells him: "I was fucking my wife doggy style and she ran under the house."
My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.
I thought she was just shallow.
