What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captain's log.
Researchers have determined that 99% of all men jerk off in the shower and the other 1% sing.
Do you know what they sing?
I didn't think you did.
Why is Santa Claus always so happy?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live
I turned my whole life around.
I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.
