A ninety-year-old guy is walking by a lake when he hears, "Hi, there." He looks down, and it's a bullfrog. He picks it up, and the frog says, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." The old guy unzips his bag, puts in the frog, and starts to zip it back up. The frog says, "What are you doing?" The old guy says, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."
A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, "I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."
The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car." The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"
She replied, "Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."
