What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
Lifehack: How do you find a needle in a haystack?
Easy... burn the fuckin' hay! Any more questions?
A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.
Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."
Two lawyers were leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one. "As soon as I walk in the door I'm going to rip my wife's panties off."
"I know the feeling." his partner says.
"No, I'm serious," says the first guy. "They're killing me."
