What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because every time Mrs. Smokey gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.
I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."
And that's when the fight started...
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No. They're dead."
