What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for assholes.
What would you call a guy who jerks off during an earthquake?
This is going to be the 1st Valentine's Day I was single in almost 10 years. I'm kind of excited...
I just hope the wife feels the same way when she finds out.
Teacher to the class: "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
So Little Johnny raises his hand: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher said looked puzzled but answered: "Of course not Johnny."
To which Little Johnny answered: "Then I have definitely crapped my pants."