What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for assholes.
Where does a one-legged waitress work?
IHOP
What's her name?
Ilene
Peace comes at a price. If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.
Nacho comes before a judge. The judge asks: "Why're you here?" Nacho tells him: "I'm accused of starting my Xmas shopping early."
The judge says, "That's not a crime. How early did you start?"
Nacho says, "Before the store opened."