A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
Three blonde men are stranded on one side of a wide river, and don't know how to get across.
The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river. So God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.
The second man prays to God to make him even smarter. So God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.
Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all. So God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.