Hallmark Card fail:
"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. Looked underneath and noticed your cat."
Two old ladies are sitting on the park bench feeding the pigeons. Suddenly the first one says to her friend: "Did you just fart?"
Her friend answers: "Of course I did. You think I always smell like this?"
A woman's in labor. She's got her feet up in the stirrups, screaming in pain and cursing her husband.
He turns and says, "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass, but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.' "
Any man who thinks baseball is our national pastime never played doctor when he was a kid!