There's A Card For Everything

Hallmark Card fail:

"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. Looked underneath and noticed your cat."

Why can't blondes parallel park? 'Cause guys keep telling them that 4 inches is really 8 inches.

How's a sun-tanned girl like a roast chicken?

The white parts are the best.

What do you have with two balls in your hand?

A man's undivided attention.