What night is it?

What's the difference between a wife and the trash can sittin' in your garage?

You at least take the trash out once a week.

My wife and I were talking about what turns men and women on. I asked her: "Why do you think men like big tits and a tight ass?"

She said: "In your case because you’ve got a big mouth and a small dick."

And that's when the fight started...

How are nail polish and panties the same?

They both come off with a little alcohol.

I told my buddy: "I got caught jerking off to a National Geographic magazine."

Asks: "Were you embarrassed?"

"No, but my dentist's receptionist was."