Every morning the teacher took roll call by having her students stand up and recite a short poem. The first to go sat in the front row and was the teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan. When I grow up to be a man, I want to go to Japan... if I can, and I think I can."
Next up was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood and answered roll call by reciting, "My name is Suzy. When I become a lady, I would like to have a baby... if I can, and I think I can."
Finally it was Little Johnny's turn, a wise guy who sat way in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a crap about Japan. But I'd sure like to help Suzy with her plan... if I can, and you bet your sweet ass I can!"
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Range Rover when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in the shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Range Rover. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."
