Last Christmas grandpa surprised eveyone and made snow angels.
He skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.
A guy's in his car with a girl and says, "How about a hand job?"
She says, "What do I have to do?"
He says, "Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it? Just do that."
She grabs it and does it. A few minutes later, he starts screaming. She says, "What's wrong?"
He says, "Take your fucking thumb off the end."
My buddy was jerking off way too much, so he went to a shrink. Good move. So far he's been able to control his compulsive masturbating. Now he doesn't jerk off nearly as much. He says it feels like he got a huge load off his chest.
I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69.
She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."