What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
What is the main difference between the first and second honeymoon?
On the second honeymoon, the husband is the one sobbing, "It's way too big."
Why'd my wife cross the road?To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the long face?"