What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
Why do men name their dicks?
They don't want ninety-five per cent of their decisions made by a total stranger.
Why are dicks like fish?
You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I told her: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"
And that's when the fight started...
