A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, they headed to her house for an afternoon of fun. Exhausted after screwin' around, they fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8pm.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told his mistress to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. Mystified, she did as he said and when she came back in he slipped them on and raced home.
At the front door his wife confronted him. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "Darling," he replied, "I cannot tell a lie. I've been having an affair with my secretary. We fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife looked down at his shoes and shouted, "Liar! You've been playing golf!"
I took my wife to the art gallery. The 1st picture was a naked women with a small patch of leaves over her private parts. My wife didn't like it so she said: "Let's keep going."
When I didn't follow right away she turned and asked: "What are you waiting for?"
