What should you do if your clothes are on fire?
Don't put 'em on.
Two little old ladies were at the slots in Atlantic City. One asks: "So... did you come on the bus?"
Her friend replied: "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
Why can't lesbians adopt a child?
Because they don't serve minors to lickers.
I told my wife our credit cards were stolen, but I'm not reporting it.
She asked why not?
"Cause the thief spends less than you do."
And that's when the fight started...
