What should you do if your clothes are on fire?
Don't put 'em on.
What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
A guy goes in to see an optometrist.
The doctor says, "You have to stop masturbating."
The guy says, "Why? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
What's a platonic relationship?
That's a friendship between a girl and a guy who wants to fuck her.
