What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?
A fuckin know-it-all!
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"
The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity." The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"
The preacher quickly reponded, "No shit!"
What would you call a hooker with jizz all over her face?
Call her a cab ... her job is done.