What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Chinese couple in bed: Husband says, "I want a 69."
Wife says, "Why you want beef & broccoli now?"
I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69.
She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
The day before Valentine's day I was looking for the perfect card for my wife when I saw something strange.
On the front of one of the cards it said, "I love you and only you."
By itself it may not sound strange, but this was a package of 20 cards.