When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.
Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.
After a night of drinking, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when I realized I made it home safely.
A guy asks his grandma, "Have you seen some pills around here? They are labeled LSD?"
His grandma replies, "Fuck your pills, there's a dragon in the kitchen!"
Sex is like a bank account.
First you put it in. Once you take it out you lose interest.