How is a woman like a hurricane?
When they come, they're loud and wet, and when they leave, they take your house and car.
A guy wakes up in the hospital: "Doc, I can't feel my legs!"
Doc: "That's because we amputated your arms."
How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Guy tells his buddy: "I think I've become di-sexual."
Friend asks: "Di-sexual? What the hell is that?"
Guy says: "If I don't get me some pussy pretty soon... I'm gonna kill myself."