What does a virgin and a balloon have in common?
One prick and it's all over.
A middle-aged guy goes to the proctologist for his yearly checkup. He strips down, and the doctor tells him to bend over.
The doctor puts his middle finger all the way up the guy's ass and says, "Is that uncomfortable?"
The guy says, "Not as long as I don't feel both of your hands on my back."
My wife thought she would come on real sexy to distract me from the game. So she asked: "Honey, What do you have in your pants that's gonna wind up in my face?"
I looked up and said: "Wrinkles."
And that's when the fight started...
My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."
So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."