Why do brides wear white?
The dishwasher should match the refrigerator and the stove.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.
Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.
If my son farts or has his hands down his pants, my wife smiles and says, “Like father, like son!”
Yesterday we caught him screwing the neighbor, but for some reason it wasn’t so funny when I said it.
