Honey, It's For You

The phone rings and Mrs. Johnson answers. A voice breathing heavily on the other end says, "I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair."

She replies, "Yeah, he's watching TV. Who should I say is calling?"

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

Forty-five pounds.

Why is psychoanalysis faster for men than women?

When he has to go back to his childhood he's already there.

What do you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry float.