Difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
An ironing board's legs are hard to open.
His date warned him: "My mama made me promise I'd say 'NO' to all your advances."
He says: "Sure, no problem. You wouldn't mind if I fucked you in the ass, would ya?"
Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off?
Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!
A guy pulls up to a little girl playing on the sidewalk and says, "Hey, little girl, want a lollipop?"
The girls says "My mommy told me not to take candy from strangers. But if you give me twenty bucks, I'll suck your dick."