Some Bad News

Cop at door "Looks like your wife's been hit by a bus"

"Yeah but she's a nice person & good with the kids"

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

They don't have balls to scratch.

My girlfriend's a real clean freak. She says it's disgusting to piss in the bathtub.

Next time maybe I should wait until she gets out.

What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.