Some Bad News

Cop at door "Looks like your wife's been hit by a bus"

"Yeah but she's a nice person & good with the kids"

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and your lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.

What would you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?

A widow.

My wife smiled at breakfast this morning and said: "Today is our anniversary darling... what should we do?"

I told her: "Stand in silence for 2 minutes."

And that;s when the fight started...