What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.
"By the Thanksgiving meal eveyone goes around the table saying what they are most thankful for, you know what I say?
I'm thankful I didn't get caught!"
My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.
I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"
And that's when the fight started...
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
