What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.
The phone rings and Mrs. Johnson answers. A voice breathing heavily on the other end says, "I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair."
She replies, "Yeah, he's watching TV. Who should I say is calling?"
Why is psychoanalysis faster for men than women?
When he has to go back to his childhood he's already there.
What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
As soon as you see it coming you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
