Still Not My Type Of Girl

: Created: 10 January 2015; Hits: 2087

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

Forty-five pounds.

Don't Miss These Jokes!

How Much Land Do You Own?

Three Texans are sitting on a bench together. One named Smith, one named Johnson, and the other one named Goldberg. Smith begins to brag about how much land he has, "500 acres with 1000 head of cattle I call it 'Smith Acres'"

Johnson says, "Yeah, not bad, but I have 1000 acres and 2000 head of cattle, I call it 'Johnson Estates'". Both Smith and Johnson look over at Goldberg and say, "So, how much land do you have?"

Goldberg says, "Well, I only have 75 acres." "75 acres!?!" they reply, "that's all? What that's called?"

Goldberg responds, "Downtown Houston".

The Daily is the Paper I Read

I know that newspapers are losing out to the Internet, but think about it... how many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?

Easy! One Post, two Globes, and many Times. And I wouldn't mind a morning and an evening edition. Yeah... I like a woman who's into the hard news.

OK... I'm done.

You, My One And Only

The day before Valentine's day I was looking for the perfect card for my wife when I saw something strange.

On the front of one of the cards it said, "I love you and only you."

By itself it may not sound strange, but this was a package of 20 cards.