What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.
The Dog's Rule Of Life: If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it.
A man calls his wife into the bedroom. "I want to show you the new watch I got today."
She walks in and finds him with his pants down. "That's not a watch!" she says.
"It will be once you put two hands and a face on it."
When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?
When her moustache is on fire.
