How do you know when you are getting old?
When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Gallery owner: "Guy came in bought all your paintings."
Artist: "Great."
"Not really, he was your doctor."
My wife and I were talking about what turns men and women on. I asked her: "Why do you think men like big tits and a tight ass?"
She said: "In your case because you’ve got a big mouth and a small dick."
And that's when the fight started...
What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?
A tearjerker.
