1. Remember to text my girlfriend a big lovey dovey message at the start of the day. 2. Remember to buy her a card in my lunch break. 3. Buy her some more crap in the rush hour after work before I meet her. 4. Take her to a fancy restaurant and pay for a pointlessly expensive meal. 5. Take her back to her place and give her some gentle, passionate love when all I want to do is excessively bang her.
And I have to do all this, then drive home without my wife finding out!
Two women are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee. So they take a quick detour stop at a cemetery. Problem is they have nothing to wipe with. One decides to use her panties while the other grabs a nearby wreath.
The next day one of the husbands calls the other, "Those girls are are never going out again! My wife came home last night without any panties!"
His buddy replies, "You think that's bad? My wife came home with a card in her crack that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you!'"