Not For Instagram

Why'd the guy text his wife a picture of his limp dick?

Wanted to let her know he was thinking about her.

What two things can get a woman pregnant when they're in the air?

Her feet.

How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?

If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Honeymoon morning after. Wife: "You're a lousy lover."

Husband: "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"