Not For Instagram

Why'd the guy text his wife a picture of his limp dick?

Wanted to let her know he was thinking about her.

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

What do women and milk cartons have in common?

You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.

Why did the woman cross the road?

Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?