What two things can get a woman pregnant when they're in the air?
Her feet.
What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for assholes.
My wife wanted to convince me of the benefits of marriage. So she argued "You know married men live longer than single men."
I shot back: "That's not true, it only seems longer."
And that's when the fight started....
A stockbroker calls a client and says, "Sam, I have good news and bad news."
Sam says, "Tell me the bad news first."
The stockbroker says, "I lost all of your money."
Sam says, "What's the good news?"
The stockbroker says, "I got laid last night."
