What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's dick.
My wife and I were basking in the afterglow of having sex when she asked: "Honey, why did God create orgasms?"
I said: "So women can moan even when they’re happy."
And that's when the fight started...
A guy is sitting at the bar and he's really drunk. His dick is out, he's a monstrous hard-on, and he's beating off like there's no tomorrow.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get outta here."
The guy says, "Are you kiddin'? No way I can leave. If I stood up I couldn't walk. In fact, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm screwin'."
What's the difference between the lesbians in porn films and a lesbian in real life?
About 65 pounds.
