What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's dick.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
The day before Valentine's day I was looking for the perfect card for my wife when I saw something strange.
On the front of one of the cards it said, "I love you and only you."
By itself it may not sound strange, but this was a package of 20 cards.
Hallmark Card fail:
"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. Looked underneath and noticed your cat."
